Good and Bad Loss. . . .

Well as you can see from my last posting it’s been awhile since I took the time to write a blog, nothing has been written since July 8, 2015, to be exact.

I have been on a journey of sorts.  I started blogging back in February of 2009 and since then I would have to say my life has been full of change and loss. 

If you don’t mind I’m going to back the bus up just a little and say in 2006 I lost a wonderful sister-in-law/friend Marina.  Marina was my Brother Billy’s first wife. She was such a blessing in my family’s life losing her was huge and really devastating.

This next loss is a bit of a grin but a loss nonetheless.  In 2009 I went from being a Jeep driver to a mini-van driver . . . that was painful!  Though funny to most I still morn not having a Jeep.  I loved my Jeep -Grand Cherokee Limited addition it was wonderful.   And now I’m still driving the 2005 Dodge Caravan I had from way back in ’09.  My job is hard on my vehicle so why spend money on something new to wreck it? So I the mini-van hater will keep this vehicle till it dies.  In respect to dying it will likely be sooner than later.  The years haven’t been kind to it.

2009 brought more loss that wasn’t as funny as me driving a mini-van. It actually wasn’t funny at all.

I lost my husband and extended family through irreconcilable differences which lead to separation and divorce.  I would like to blame it all on him but I won’t I will split it with him.  If you have ever been in a long-term relationship that failed you understand, after 14 years separation from all you knew and know really does a number on your emotional and mental capacity leaving you a little worse for the wear.  I would have to say I feel like I am just now becoming whole again and starting to be myself, almost seven years later.

At the same time as this loss of family and really a whole community, I was working at a local group home. In that home was a young man who was the light we as staff loved.  He brought brightness to tough days.  We lost that light the same month my husband and I separated.  He is still in my heart and I still think of him often.  You will always be remembered, Luke. 

With all that change other loss came as well.  Like a lack of spiritual strength and a lack of a place where my broken heart could still find rest, refuge and worship.  So I had many days and nights where God was far from me not because he moved because in my brokenness I moved.  I was worn down and heartbroken and felt I had no believers to turn to for support. In my brokenness, I did a lot of things I regret.  I acted in ways when whole I would never dream of acting.  I allowed things into my life that I still grieve about and regret.

Then came 2015 the GIANT year of loss!  I lost my oldest sister, Peggy to cancer January 27. My oldest brother, Billy to a massive heart attack April 27.  Then on New Year's Eve, I lost my dad, Monty Nicholson to cancer. I don't know what to say about last year other then it was really hard.  It is huge to lose family but three in one year makes it that much harder.  You are in continual grief mode and often anything and everything can make you sad. 

With all the loss came some soul-searching.  -I realized 2 things -

1. Comfort food was becoming my best friend and worst enemy! 
2.  I needed to lose weight if I wanted to be healthy, strong and stay around. 

So this journey is a positive loss in memory of my siblings & my dad who I lost too soon in life. For my healthy journey, I am using 21-day fix and my Fitbit. 21 Day Fix and walking will be my lifestyle forever it is more about healthy proportional eating and moving.  So as of today I have lost 71.6 pounds and have 5 pounds left to go.  Healthy is what I strive for now.  

Please click on the link below to see my journey...

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10155982491120066.1073741866.636780065&type=1&l=0b9b171bbb


 Just so you know:

As for me, I will always have hope! Psalm 71:14 

Everything is not a negative in my life.  

• I have great kids.  They are my pride and joy and biggest blessing!
• I have been remarried now since Oct 20, 2012 thanks for always getting things done Brad Clark! Love You! xo
• I have three adorable pets. #ChloeTheDog #SophiaTheCat #ChloeTheBunny
• I have had family move closer and family that came back into my life and for that, I'm truly grateful! 
• I'm doing fantastic on this healthy journey.
• I am close with God again and this is the best thing.