I HATE DOUBLE HATE SECRETS!

Secrets….
I have to say secrets never end well. I have been part of secrets on more then one occasion in my life. Some were dealt to me and I had no choice but to receive them. Some I chose to deal myself and did not like the end result! It’s funny how much secrets control your life when you have them. I find even the smallest of things can become huge because it’s a secret. The reason being most often then not secrets are born from a lie or an indiscretion. So in order not to be called on said lies or indiscretions we keep secrets. And foolishly, because we realize secrets always come out one way or another. I was a secret to some or should I say most for basically 37 years. And when I say I was a secret I was to myself as well. Imagine what that would do to the people keeping a 37 year secret….do you suppose it would wear on their insides. Consume their days? Perhaps they would get a reprieve occasionally but really do you think somewhere back there it would be nagging them? And what does it do to those it touches. For 37 years I thought I was one person and then in one day I found out I was a totally different person then I was previously lead to believe. Maybe that’s what makes me crazy about secrets because they have touched my life in such an extreme way. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad I now have a great dad and two more brothers and a step mom! But do I still sometimes wonder where I fit in, in the big picture! Yes, yes I do. So when some of my secrets are self inflicted it makes me a little annoyed with myself. Ok maybe hugely annoyed with myself. I hate when I put myself in a place of where don't know where I exactly fit now? It shouldn’t be that big of a deal but it is! I'm just glad that I do have people who know me and love me whatever is down the road for me.